


Words Become Worlds

by bubblegumclouds



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amputation, Amputee Remus, Angst, Blood, Daddy Kink, Dom Sirius Black, Embarrassment, Fear, Flirting, Fluff, Hand & Finger Kink, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mention of abuse, Mentions of Sex, Overprotective, Poetry, SIRIUS IS NOT ABUSIVE, Slightly - Freeform, Smut, Sub Remus Lupin, Wheelchairs, Writing, mentions of domestic abuse, no violence, poet remus, scared remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 16:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12039936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: Amputee poet Remus just wants some new inspiration for his work, Sirius is starting to worry his work is becoming a little too important. Things spiral a lot from there.





	Words Become Worlds

**Author's Note:**

> ****DISCLAIMER- THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE DEVOTEEISM RELATED AND NOT FOR A KINK. THE SEX SCENES ARE JUST TO NORMALISE THAT DISABLED PEOPLE CAN HAVE HEALTHY SEX LIVES TOO.****
> 
>  
> 
> This is a scary one and I'm very nervous to put this up. Please, please let me know or talk to me if this has been done wrong, I never want to misrepresent something. Also, just to add, the poem is one that I wrote myself so please don't steal it.
> 
> I researched a hell of a lot to try and get this right and, as I did before, here are the best sources of information I found.  
> http://enhancetheuk.org/enhance/the-love-lounge/  
>  http://amputeemommy.blogspot.co.uk/2009/12/okay-im-talking-about-sex.html?m=1  
>  http://www.amputee-coalition.org/easyread/first_step_2005/altered_states-ez.html  
>  https://www.researchgate.net/publication/261952940_People_with_lower_limb_amputation_and_their_sexual_functioning_and_sexual_well-being 
> 
> Thank you for reading  
> Twitter- cutierobandrich  
> Tumblr- weasleytwinwonders

“Sirius, honestly you stress too much,” Remus' tone was one of amusement, a laugh hinting behind the statement as he transferred himself over from his wheelchair and onto the heavily padded desk chair. As it had only been a couple of days since he'd got out of hospital from the brutal fight on a full moon that had cost him his right leg just above the knee and almost his life, Sirius was determined to make sure he was always safe.

“I just worry about you, that's all Moony,” Sirius reminded and Remus sent him a kind, affectionate smile as a reply.  
“I know love, but really, I'm just writing. I'm sure my right leg will be perfectly fine,” Remus joked, flattening his palm against the stump of what was left and Sirius rolled his eyes as he leant on the door frame of the office.  
“Alright, I'll leave you be,” Sirius concluded as he strolled off, not letting his eyes move off Remus until he was past the point where he was in sight.

Remus took a minute to stretch his upper body and get into a writing headspace. All his best work was when he took time to pause and consider his mindset more eloquently. Everybody around him, including himself, reverted into a casual day to day way of thinking, never delving deeper into description or any conversation that may arise. Remus had to shake that, a simple mindset would create simple work. He liked his poems to have not just stories behind them, but worlds too. He liked to make his work involved and as fiction-like as possible.

'The curves of life are rarely ever so uneventful,  
as to give us things that we can't understand.  
Smaller instances have given me times,  
Where I doubt the way you love me.  
I throw away the notion of our bodies,  
Discarding the pleasure of having both feet on land.

In time and consequence lies a more profound scene,  
It holds together description when evidence fails.'

Remus drew back, his slender fingers stilling sideways against his pursed lips. He could feel the weight the words had, it was taking more effort to push them out onto the parchment. He had temporarily lost the rhythm being stuck in the hospital with no creative space. He had to seek some inspiration before his experience was used up and he began relaying old instances.

Sirius was spread lazily on the sofa, his shirt crumpled just enough at his middle to see the tan expanse of his hips. He was eating biscuits messily, the crumbs falling and pooling in the dipped fabric below. Remus entered the room, his wheels gliding over the wood and swerved to stop next to his husband, who looked over at the signal of his arrival. Remus wasted no time, blinded by the need to create and feel after being struck blank.

“I would very much appreciate it if you would accompany me to the bedroom,” Remus proposed with a slight head tilt and raised eyebrow. Beneath the sexy smirk lay a hint of insecurity as, in his haste, he hadn't considered a thought that those parts of their relationship could have changed since he has lost a limb.  
“Huh? Oh... Oh okay, I get it,” Sirius pushed himself to sit up, allowing an avalanche of food specks to litter his jeans and the floor with dust. Remus' heart picked up with hope that Sirius would agree however part of him felt a little awkward as he expected more preparation was going to be needed than usual.

Sirius leaned forward, cupping Remus' slightly fuzzy jaw in his calloused palm, and connected their lips. Although his lover's kiss was familiar, Remus was always enchanted by the way his tongue glided and the taste of coffee hinting at his taste buds. The soft breaths tickled the hair dusting Remus' top lip as Sirius brushed their shining lips together one last time before pulling away.

“You're beautiful,” Sirius whispered with a growl coating his accent that made Remus' skin tingle. Remus couldn't help but blush and begin to crumble slightly under the intense gaze of his partner. He never usually became shy so it knocked him a little and Sirius seemed to catch the way Remus averted his gaze momentarily.

“If you're not ready for this Remus, it's perfectly okay,” Sirius murmured, scared that if he spoke too loud it would get overwhelming. He vastly underestimated just how uncomfortable he would feel when it came to being intimate.

“I-I'm sorry, I didn't even consider,” Remus paused and felt himself getting oddly emotional while approaching the subject, “I guess I never thought this would change. N-Now I feel... unnerved at the thought and it came as a surprise,” Remus confessed, rubbing a hand over his face to shield the wave of upset from Sirius.  
“Remember what we said love, we take this day by day, moment by moment. Some things you never thought about, like this, are going to come up but we will sort through it,” Sirius assured as he grasped both of Remus' interlocked hands and threaded his fingers securely in between. Sirius had always adored his husband's fingers, they were so delicate and much more dainty than his own.

“I can't quite determine the reason I am nervous or upset. I can't tell if it's the act itself or a body image issue that is stopping me and it's incredibly frustrating to be crying when you aren't entirely sure why,” Remus explained with a hint of anger at himself and the situation. Sirius resented his husband's inquisitive mind and intense need to question every instinct his body had sometimes, he could never let an emotion simply be just that.  
“Moony, you stubborn little git,” Sirius teased which aroused a shy smile from Remus, “stop analysing it and let yourself _feel_ ,” Sirius encouraged. Remus closed his eyes, trying to pull himself away from the curious mind set and allow his muscles to melt into the chair rather than sit rigidly.

“Kiss me.” It was barely a whisper but it filled the air. Sirius was hesitant, unsure if his partner was under the correct conditions to be making any judgments.  
“Love, I'm not sure that-”  
“I said kiss me,” Remus replied louder this time and Sirius let out a little breathy laugh before their lips surged together with passion, slotting effortlessly into place. Remus lifted his hands and weaved his fingers into the unruly mass of curls and frizz, feeling nothing but silk strands sliding over the tips as he pulled Sirius further into him. Sirius gripped the armrests of Remus' chair and pulled him closer, his legs fit perfectly into the gap.

“Sirius, l-lift me up. I-I want t-to,” Remus gasped between the kisses that were getting increasingly more desperate. Sirius understood and carefully picked up Remus from his chair, switching him onto his lap instead. Remus' leg wrapped around his back.  
“Is that alright? Are you comfortable?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded, already breathless from the desire.

“Touch me,” Remus leant their heated foreheads together and inhaled the scent that was so unmistakably Sirius. He was flooded with a searing need to be caressed and held and taken care of. To feel at ease as his husband re-explored his body and forced his mind blank.  
“Moony, I-I don't know,” Sirius' voice trailed off, not able to find the wording that fit what he wanted to say. Remus sensed the shift in Sirius' body language, he had become the rigid one. He was no longer letting his hands roam, they now stayed static on the small of his back. Remus could only see one conclusion to this.

“Y-You don't find me attractive anymore do you, Sirius?” Remus said it as if he was stating an obvious fact but Sirius detected the subtle wavers in his speech.  
“Of course I do, you're just very emotional right now and I don't want you to rush into anything,” Sirius reiterated his earlier doubts but he could sense the mood in the room had dropped dramatically.

Remus felt slightly humiliated. Although from a logical point of view he could see what Sirius was implying, from an emotional one, he simply felt like he was a child being patronised. He felt as if he were foolish to expect Sirius to want his body now and that he had just been throwing himself desperately onto his partner. His entire body cringed as he spoke.

“C-Could you p-put me back in my chair please, Sirius?” Remus stuttered simply due to the fact he did not want to speak at all. Sirius wanted to carry on, explain what he meant but he couldn't prolong the obvious suffering and heartache his lover was currently feeling. He lifted Remus back into his chair and without even pausing to readjust himself, he sped away as fast as possible. Remus tried so hard to hide his clear sadness but the soft sniffles still boomed through Sirius' ears.

Remus hurt, oh boy did he hurt. The shame smothered every part of his body. He rewatched the whole thing again and again in his head, wishing he'd done anything but ask for that second kiss. Looking down, he was suddenly overcome with rage at the sight. It wasn't fair. Not only had he lost most of his leg, he was going to lose his husband, his confidence and a part of his soul. Remus tore his stare away but only caught his office mirror instead. Picking it up, he saw the wreck he'd become. No wonder Sirius didn't want to have sex with him. In a moment of impulse and rage at the situation he'd been forced to deal with, he threw it across the room, not even flinching at the smash.

Sirius had been contemplating over every word, wondering if just a different phrase could have portrayed it better. He felt so dumb and inexperienced with this, he didn't know what he was doing. All he was trying to do was look out for Remus and he made it so much worse. He was still hunched over, his fingers slotted together much less gracefully than they did with Remus', when he heard the loud clatter coming from the study.

He scrambled down the corridor, absolutely petrified that his lover had fallen, or worse. He tripped over his own unstable legs as he flew through the door and into the office.  
“Oh my god, are you okay Moony? Sweet jesus oh my god. You're okay, wait, are you hurt? Is it your leg?” Sirius rambled as he fell to his knees next to his husband's chair, shaking and gripping on to Remus' sleeve with a vice grip. Remus couldn't reply as his cool composure had broken, that never happened for him as it was just not his character. Forcing himself to talk seemed an impossibility.

Sirius spotted the mirror across the room and figured out what must have happened. He took a deep breath, letting go of the stress, and checked Remus' hands for any cuts or bleeding. When there was none he relaxed slightly.  
“Moony, listen to me,” Sirius said, needing to stop this before it spread into something out of control, “you are and always will be, the same absolutely stunning boy you were when I met you. I will always want you in every single way, multiple times a day if I can scrape it,” Sirius added a joke and luckily he glanced up just quick enough to catch the effect, the soft brown eyes above where he knelt, lit up briefly with a grin.

“But I have no idea how to do such an intimate thing when you're still so freshly wounded. I am terrified I'm going to hurt you Moony, I really am. I-I mean even if we managed to find ways for it to work physically, which we will, it's going to take its toll emotionally on you. I am just scared that if this is rushed and you don't work through getting used to how your body is now before you try to be with me, it could really damage you. And I don't want that love, I'm trying to protect you even if I am doing a poor job of showing it,” Sirius finished his speech and Remus could tell that every word had been spoken directly from his heart.

“I know love, it is just a bit frustrating to be suddenly treated like I don't know my own mind and choices,” Remus sighed.  
“I'm sorry Moony, I-I didn't even realise. That was my mistake. I just, I didn't think about this. You were hurt, then you were in hospital and then we weren't sure if you'd make it through surgery. I just didn't have time to think about anything other than hoping you'd keep breathing,” Sirius apologised, swallowing the lump in his throat as he stood up.

“I know love, I know. But I'm okay now. I'm still the same person, I still have the same thoughts and feelings, just treat me normally Sirius. I know you're protective and I adore it, however, I will be fine.” Remus reassured and Sirius caught eye contact with him just as he said those last four words.  
“You're right. I have been way too overbearing, I'm sorry,” Sirius admitted, brushing the wavy brown fringe from Remus' forehead.  
“It's fine, I understand,” Remus affirmed, reaching up and encasing Sirius' hand in his own.

“Would you still like to be accompanied to the bedroom or?” Sirius asked hesitantly, unsure if re approaching the sensitive subject may bring back the same tension that started the mess but it didn't. Remus squeezed his hand to put his mind at rest.  
“I think the mood has very much disappeared, don't you?” He added with a chuckle and Sirius moved to stand behind him, snaking his hands around Remus' middle.  
“That doesn't mean we can't start it up again, if you want to?” Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder, his breath coming out in short bursts against his husband's sensitive skin.

“C-Can we just go half way?” Remus asked while tilting his head and allowing Sirius access to his neck.  
“We can do as much or as little as you want baby, it's all up to you,” Sirius murmured while tugging the soft skin of Remus' earlobe between his lips.  
“I-I just want,” Remus stopped himself abruptly and Sirius paused the gently sucking on the space where his neck met his shoulder.  
“Want what? It's okay Moony, you can tell me, love. I want to touch you right, make you feel good,” Sirius growled and it sent a shiver running down Remus' spine.

“I-I want you to hold me, I-I want to be close to you,” Remus whimpered, feeling himself submit to Sirius' roaming hands.  
“Mmm, what else?” Sirius asked as he twisted Remus' chair to face him and pulled him up. Remus smirked as his arms rested around Sirius' neck. His hands threaded upwards, cradling his head while Sirius devoured his neck and walked him up the stairs.  
“I want to be so wrapped up in you I can barely breathe, I want you everywhere,” Remus continued, occasionally letting groans of pleasure escape.

Sirius sat on the edge of their bed with Remus on his lap, their bulges pressed together.  
“D-Do you want to lie down or?” Sirius asked, cupping Remus' face and rubbing a thumb along his cheekbone.  
“No, here. J-Just take my clothes off,” Remus talked Sirius through it helping him get his trousers off without a struggle until Remus was naked and hard, squirming with need in Sirius' lap.  
“God you're so hot, I-I love you so much,” Sirius rushed, kissing Remus passionately while his hands began to roam over every part of his lover's back he could reach.

“I-I need your hands, please Sirius,” Remus begged, really letting himself trust that Sirius would take care of him.  
“Alright sweetheart, anything for my baby,” Sirius obliged, spitting in his hand and reaching down, grasping Remus' dick and beginning to massage it. The response was immediate, Remus threw his head back and balled the fabric of Sirius' shirt in his clenching fists.  
“That's it Moony, moan for me love,” Sirius encouraged as he went back to sucking soft marks into the sensitive parts of his neck. Remus' cock was leaking and twitching in his fist.

“F-Feels so heavenly,” Remus huffed in between his panting breaths. It had been so long since he'd been touched down there that even Sirius just thumbing over the slit had him arching his back.  
“My boy, look at you, so beautiful. I love seeing you like this, you're so good, Remus. Come for me love, it's okay, let go,” Sirius knew praising Remus was bound to make him come, it always did. Remus was so reserved and uptight all the time so when he got to the bedroom he loved to be told he was Sirius' beautiful baby boy, submitting was his way to unwind.

“U-Uh, S-Sirius, I'm going t-to.” Remus buried his head into Sirius' neck and inhaled the sweating scent of his lover. Sirius picked up his pace, twisting his fist just under the head and briefly fondling Remus' balls.  
“Come in my lap sweetheart, that's it, I've got you.” Sirius tried not to moan purely from the sounds Remus was making, they were near pornographic. His dick twitched before shooting load after load, splattering Sirius' shirt with his come. Remus squirmed, his leg shaking and his body tensing as he cried out Sirius' name.  
“F-Fuuu-Daddy uhh.” Remus let the whine slip and Sirius smirked, finally. He _knew_ Remus had that kink, knew it.

“Good boy, so pretty, Daddy's here, love you so much,” Sirius muttered as Remus began to relax from his intense orgasm. He flopped into Sirius' arms, every muscle deciding it wasn't going to work anymore. Sirius went to speak but he suddenly felt slight drips of wetness on his shoulder and decided not to break the moment. He managed to slip his shirt off quickly, not wanting to sandwich Remus' stomach in his own come, then pulled him in tightly. Sirius made sure to fully wrap himself around Remus, enveloping him in the warm comfort of his arms. Sirius rocked him gently, letting his lips linger softly on the torn up shoulder of his boyfriend.

Eventually, Remus collected himself and pulled away slightly from Sirius', now overbearing, hold. Immediately he began to brush his tears off his scarred cheek, laughing and shaking his head.  
“That was... unexpected, I apologise.” Remus awkwardly bit his lip and Sirius brushed his sweat slicked hair off his flushed forehead.  
“It was beautiful, my love,” Sirius complimented, always in awe of post sex Remus and the glow that radiated from his skin.

“Well, I guess we have to talk about the obvious,” Remus said, he sounded regretful but he tried to mask it in a light tone.  
“Not if you don't want to, but I knew it would happen at some point,” Sirius smiled and Remus sighed, pursing his lips together so they formed a line before giving his reply.  
“I'm sorry, i-it won't happen again,” Remus assured as he looked around for his chair before remembering it had been discarded downstairs.

“It's not a bad thing Moony, why are you so embarrassed by it?” Sirius asked as he began to help Remus put his clothes back on from the lazily created pile.  
“Because it's just so,” he paused, trying to find the correct term, “undignified,” he finished.  
“It's not at all, I think if that's something that turns you on then it shouldn't be, but I know how stubborn you get on things like this so if that's really what you think then... fair enough,” Sirius said as he was carrying Remus half way down the stairs. They could both feel Sirius' boner protruding from his trousers but now just didn't really seem like the correct time to ask for any sort of reciprocation.

“Yes, I would very much like to forget about it,” Remus declared as he was placed back in his chair. He left the room, Sirius guessed to go to his study as that was usually where he was, and Sirius was scared he was losing the real Remus. Now he seemed so much more stubborn, almost like Sirius was his business partner and not his husband. He'd been slightly shocked by the hand job, it wasn't something that Sirius thought he'd want to do for a long time but if that was what helped Remus then there was no chance he would turn it down.

'The sweet consequence of inconceivable happenings,  
Lies past any scene one could simply look upon.  
Dark as an unfixed time it may be,  
Shame-mixed insatiability grows like flowers blooming within.'

As beaten down as he felt, he couldn't believe how much material it had given him. The shame of revealing a sexual kink he'd felt shame for, nearing on decades now, seemed to have invented new sources of words and phrases. His brain was reeling past his fingers and he struggled to keep up. The ache in his stomach and anxiety over his rocky patch with Sirius seemed to spur on the metaphors and painted more than he considered he was capable of.

“Remus dinne-”  
“Not now.” Remus would let nothing stop him from this new pit of ideas that he'd stumbled into. Stopping now was sure to lock it back up and it was something he needed access to, to keep his work consistent. Sirius stood at his door, a steaming roast in his hands and Remus tried to ignore the intense smell as his mind would get distracted.  
“Remus, you really need to eat something,” Sirius prompted but Remus simply blanked him. Sirius sighed, his eyes drooping slightly before walking away to sit at the table by himself. He leant his elbow on the glass top just because he never normally could or Remus would scold him for improper manners, and placed his chin in his palm. He was convinced Remus would come out of the room in a minute, they'd had dinner together every day possible since they'd lived in their house.

Sirius waited and waited but he could still hear the scribbles and scratches of ink on parchment scraping through the open doors. The mashed potato he'd left on his plate so he had something to eat when Remus came had grown cold and so had Remus', no doubt. He trawled both plates back to the kitchen and quickly fixed up a couple of sandwiches.

“Here, you may not want to sit with me but at least get something in you,” Sirius offered as he placed the food on the desk. Not a word, no thanks, no 'I'm sorry', no acknowledgment he was even there. Sirius didn't hesitate after he realised nothing was coming and he headed straight upstairs. He clearly wasn't going to see Remus at any point tonight so he'd head down just before bed time instead.

Sirius woke up, the sun beaming like daggers into his eyes, and noticed Remus wasn't placed so sweetly next to him like usual. Then he paused for a second.  
“Wait, how could he be next to me if he can't get up the st-.” The realisation hit him and he felt like the worse person in the world. Instantly, he raced downstairs, how could he have been so stupid to just leave Remus in his study with no way of getting upstairs? Tears welled in his eyes and threatened to spill over, Remus was going to hate him. He clambered into the study and found Remus asleep with his head resting on his scribbled parchment.

“Remus, baby, I'm so so sorry, I was so stupid. I fell asleep a-and then before I knew it, it was morning.”  
“W-What?” Remus grumbled sleepily, squinting at the sight of his flushed but tired husband. He wasn't entirely sure why Sirius had randomly awoken him.  
“I left you down here, Moony,” Sirius whispered and Remus slowly began to come around from his slumber daze.  
“N-No, I fell asleep while I was writing,” Remus corrected before the previous day's work came flooding into his head, “which is very annoying because I bet now I won't be able to get at what I was going to sa- yes! Got it!” Remus started happily scribbling away again and Sirius slightly wished Remus had been mad at him because then at least he'd get more than two seconds of attention.

“Oh, okay, I'll just... make breakfast then,” Sirius muttered to himself, well it wasn't to himself but nobody else was listening so it may as well have been. He clutched the plate he had given to Remus the previous night but noticed that none of the food had disappeared from it.  
“Remus, stop,” Sirius was stern when he said it, he could see what was going on, see what Remus was doing to himself.  
“Not right now I've just got this one bit,”  
“Remus. Stop writing,” Sirius repeated otherwise he'd never get anything sorted.  
“Really Sirius, I need to do this now,” Remus replied more insistently.  
“Stop it!” Sirius hissed and he yanked the paper away, tearing it in two due to Remus' hand resting on it.

“I-I am so sorry, I d-didn't mean to- I-I,” Sirius stuttered. Remus wheeled around to back away and looked up at him for the first time with fear in his eyes. Never had Sirius lost his temper with him, not once. He got mad sometimes and they had rows but he'd never think about putting his hands on Remus or his property. Sirius laid the ripped paper back on the desk shyly.

“I'm sorry, that was completely uncalled for. I-I don't know what happened,” Sirius clarified but Remus just kept quiet.  
“I-It's fine,” Remus' tone quivered slightly as he sat eerily still.  
“I'm just, I'm worried about you Moony. I know this is going to be tough on you but pushing me away won't help. You didn't come to see me and then you ignored me and you've not eaten anything. I'm just really scared,” Sirius admitted, desperate for his husband to open up and Remus nodded.

“I'm sorry, I-I'll eat and I'll come and see you, I promise,” Remus said and as robotic and untrue as it sounded, Sirius thought that it would do.  
“Alright, if you leave the paper there I'll rewrite it up for you when I'm done with breakfast,” Sirius said and Remus shuffled his papers together.  
“N-No, it's fine, I'll do it,” Remus replied and Sirius let him be as it was clear he didn't want anyone near his writing.

The days passed and things had become... weird. It was good, but something was off. For a start, the moment Sirius said anything, Remus was there and obeying his every word, even the jokes. Sirius would just ask him what had gotten into him and he'd just reply with a cheesy line that he knew would win Sirius round. Next thing, Remus spent every second with Sirius despite several reminders he didn't have to. Sirius wasn't complaining at all but he never wanted to take away hobbies his husband enjoyed so much. The last straw, well, that was when Sirius finally found out what was going on and never in his life had his heart broken in the way it did when he finally got to the bottom of it all.

Remus had gone to get a glass of water when it happened. Sirius heard a smash that echoed all through the house. Just like he did with the mirror, he dashed to the kitchen and found Remus scrambling on the floor, out of his chair while trying to pick up broken glass in his hands.  
“Baby, oh my god, no, no. What are you doing love? Come on,” Sirius picked Remus up and put him back in his chair but it was difficult to get a decent hold on him with the amount his body was trembling. His hands smeared blood on the armrests from where he'd made deep gashes in his palms.

“P-Please don't hurt me, p-please, I-I didn't mean t-to,” Remus cried and Sirius bent down next to him. Remus genuinely looked fearful, squirming and breathing heavily as if he feared an attack.  
“W-Wait, what?! Hurt you? Why would you say that? God, sweetheart I would never ever hurt you.” Sirius went to cup Remus' face and erase his tears but Remus flinched seeing the hand coming towards him. Sirius wondered if Remus had dreamt something up or if he'd had something happen that Sirius was unaware of because he'd never dealt with this before.

“Remus love, a-are you... scared of me?” Sirius asked, confused. Surely that wasn't what it could be? Sirius looked down, expecting Remus to deny it instantly but instead, he was met by a pair of fearful green eyes and a look he couldn't dismiss. His husband was scared of him. Sirius suddenly realised how dark the past few days had been, Remus hadn't been around him a lot because he wanted to be, it was because he felt like he had to be. He wasn't just being nice when he did whatever Sirius told him to, he was scared what would happen if he didn't.

“Oh god. Moony, oh god.” Sirius stumbled back with his face in his hands. The shock almost seemed to pause the world for a minute. Sirius had lived being scared, lived fearing abuse and the fact that now Remus felt the same because of him was in comprehensible.  
“S-Sirius, I-I'm sorry, I-I swear I-I'm not scared,” Remus replied and Sirius tried to pull himself together.

“Okay, okay,” he whispered to himself before bending back down to Remus' level, “baby, I swear on my life I would never dream of hurting you, not ever. I don't know where this came from, o-or how it got this bad but love, I would die a thousand times before I ever laid a finger on you.” Sirius took Remus' hand to study it and Remus let a tear drip.

“I-It, when you, w-when you ripped my paper, I'd never seen t-that side of you before. I mean I'd seen you angry but the way you just, j-just,” Remus began to sob again as his body shuddered.  
“Oh Moony, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that. I was just so stressed that's all and I wasn't angry at you Remus. I was scared that you were trying to distance yourself from things. I was never annoyed at you,” Sirius couldn't stress his upset enough. He glanced down and noticed Remus' hands were still freshly bleeding.

“Hey, let's get your hands cleaned up and then we'll talk alright?” Sirius sympathetically smiled and Remus nodded. Sirius wheeled him over to the sink.  
“Alright, up we go,” Sirius said as he helped Remus up and held him with one arm while moving the chair away with the other. Once Remus stood with Sirius behind him, he washed his hands, hissing at the burning sensation that coated his nerves. When he was done, Sirius placed him down and wrapped his hands up in bandages they kept for his full moon injuries.

“There we go baby, it's all okay now,” Sirius comforted and Remus nodded, gazing down and realising that he could no longer operate his wheelchair himself.  
“Hey, hey, come on. Don't cry. What's wrong?” Sirius questioned as he managed to successfully brush his husband's tears away with no flinching this time.  
“I-I just feel like the shell of a person Sirius, I don't even want to look a-at.” Remus scrunched his eyes shut and Sirius wished he could take all the hurt away.  
“Remus, Moony, baby? Look at me, you got this. Don't shake your head at me, you're stronger than this love I know you are,” Sirius beamed and Remus hesitantly agreed despite the fact he didn't fully believe that.  
“Now, we need to talk alright?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded again, accepting that they had a few things to iron out.

“I can't believe you were scared of me Moony, that you think I'd ever hit you,” Sirius said as he pulled Remus closer and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  
“I guess I built it up in my head but I was just thinking that if you could do that and I'd never seen you do that before, what else could you do? Then I realised that you could do anything and I'd be pretty much trapped and powerless and not having control scared me too.” Remus felt crazy that he'd considered it but Sirius understood.

“I can definitely see where it came from and everything but Moony, I cannot stress enough that no matter what you did or said or anything I would ne-”  
“I know, you would never hurt me, I know. I'm just not used to having something that makes me feel... I don't know, out of control of some things I guess.”  
“But Moony, the only time things would be out of your control is if you let them be. This injury only stops you as much as you let it. Obviously, there may be some complications but if you wanted to do something bad enough then you will, and I'll be right there next to you,” Sirius said and Remus buried his head in Sirius' shirt.  
“I love you,”  
“I love you too,”

“Alright that's it, gentle I got you,” Sirius directed as he managed to place Remus on his broom. It was a little experimental as one second he was talking to his husband about how much he missed flying and the next Sirius was asking what was stopping him. So here they were, Remus gently sat on the broom, weighed down so he could balance himself. He shot off into the air, feeling ecstatic at the rush. He'd missed it more than he knew.

He darted around and after a moment Sirius accompanied him, whizzing up to his left side.  
“See, I told you that you could do it,” Sirius smirked and Remus playfully hit his arm.  
“Shut it you,” Remus smirked back but Sirius saw the spark of light in his eyes.  
“Now come on, you better catch this snitch, you've got no excuse, you're more streamlined.” Sirius joked as he sped off, Remus promptly behind.  
“Padfoot!” Remus called, laughing as he followed on his trail.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and please talk to me below as I could really use the guidance on what I did correctly and what I need to change. If this does happen to offend anyone, please know it is not my intention at all, I just wanted to put some more representation out there in the fic world.
> 
> Twitter- cutierobandrich  
> Tumblr- weasleytwinwonders


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